To all the boys I’ve loved, I’d never forget you.
Why? Because if we are being honest una Dey craze
I tell myself all of the time “Teniola you need to decentralize men” but that is almost next to impossible for me, the subject of men has always fascinated me even as a little child.
Hello again my dearest reader, it’s been a long while. I took a break because I was scared that I was getting too vulnerable with the pieces of my self that I share on here but now I’m ready to bare my heart and my soul and I hope that you’re accepting.
As a child I was intrigued by the boys in my class, I wanted to know what made them tick what made them act the way they acted, and why I was very aware of their presence which you would say was an unlikely character in a child.
A lot of people will argue that it is some form of trauma “I wasn’t properly loved at home” “I had daddy issues” etc etc but I can’t confirm any of that for you, what I can confirm for you is that I’ve always loved men for as long as I can remember and I’m coming to realize that doesn’t necessarily mean the things that it will mean to general society.
The first time I liked a boy I was 8, he sort of grew on me he used to sit directly in front of me and I only looked at him and never saw him and on the day I saw him I had an existential shift. In hindsight, this is all so funny to me because I had no business having that much emotions and feelings,
His name was Raphael, and I must confess Raphael was a beautiful boy his lashes were long and curly, and his skin? It shone like that of a properly fed cockroach and his eyes? He had the most beautiful eyes I’ve seen, and he was a reserved boy and didn’t talk unless he was spoken to it was there, and then my fate was sealed I’d always be attracted to dark skin nerds that don’t draw too much attention to themselves. and then I even further sealed my fate as a chaser by texting him ( of course I couldn’t text him I was in primary school, and I didn’t have a phone so I wrote to him)
I wrote this very long detailed letter about how I thought he was very beautiful and how I’d like to be more than just friends and if he didn’t mind would he like to take a walk with me after school. You’d have to blame all the books that I’ve read for it because like I said there’s no reason for me to be saying the things that I said to that boy.
At first he was confused, of course he was it was a very long letter because the minute I started to write I found it difficult to stop, But he replied to my letter and said he was going to take a walk with me after school, fortunately for me it was one of those PTA days so we always had to go home change out of our uniforms and come back with our parents in the late evening for it.
My mother did not suspect a thing when I insisted on wearing my favorite pink sweater and joggers to follow her to the PTA meeting, and when I arrived we took our walk, it was very beautiful and of course, I did most of the talking and that was the end of it because he soon transferred away from our school shortly after.
Did I love this boy? Of course not
Why then was this story necessary? It is necessary because I'm starting a series on all the boys I’ve ever loved and you need this background information to understand the thought process behind all the actions future me would be carrying out.
If you made it this far, I’m thankful for you and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode as I can assure you things are sure to get more exciting.
Until then,
Teniola.
Enjoyed reading this ,please make sure to finish this 🙏😍
I connected to this piece a lot cos I can see myself in everything you wrote 😂Decentralize men? I’ve been struggling with that.🤣Can’t wait for the next episode